Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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