do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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