no you cant smoke seaweed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
