Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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