You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So. Much. Porn.
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