I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
