is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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