Where is the hickey?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
