You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
