OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
