True but thats because hes a fetus.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
