Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize