Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
