If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
