Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
