Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
