You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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