Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
