He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
