Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
