32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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