I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
