I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize