Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize