Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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