I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
