That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
