quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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