watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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