haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
