stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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