He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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