i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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