I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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