girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
