yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize