fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
