Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
