'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
