Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
