Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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