he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
