I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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