he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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