Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
