i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love accidental penises.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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