I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
