I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
