Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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