a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
