I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
