false alarm. still invincible.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
