i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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