Just cropdusted the office
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He passed out mid-signature
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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