I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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