Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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