just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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