Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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