im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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