She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
