I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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