I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
