What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
