so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
